I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
