My nipple is on Facebook.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
