Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
