Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i have two assholes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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