hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
