we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
