well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
