The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
