How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dear god my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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