Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
