Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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