I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
