Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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