I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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