Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your penis caused this!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
