Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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