so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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