My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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