I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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