Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
