ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
