Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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