rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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