I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
