God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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