i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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