have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
