are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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