Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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