and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
