using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
