So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
