White coat. Heels.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
