Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize