Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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