Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
