she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
