I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
