dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
