remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
