Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
