Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
false alarm, still single
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
