I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
