The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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