I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize