You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
