P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
