yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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