Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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