Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i now understand why vodka
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
