you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
