i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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