walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
