last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
