Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
