your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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