in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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