i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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