It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
