Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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