I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
