woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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