our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I love you.
Bad choice
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
