I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
