i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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