So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize