Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Randomize
