Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
