She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
