I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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