So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
