sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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