So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
