I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
