Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
