I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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