Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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