Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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