I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize