There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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