And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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