and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
