I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
