...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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