Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
