so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
