Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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