Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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