There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
No subtext here. People are naked.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
