Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
