That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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