I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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