i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize