I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
