what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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