My nipple is on Facebook.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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